Unfurled

This week I felt like an overtightened violin string– if you plucked me even slightly, I snapped. Multiple times. I even hyperventilated. Once. Fortunately it lasted for only 45 seconds, but it was accompanied by this deeply unsettling feeling that you’re about to jump out of your skin. In moments of rare clarity, I felt remorse for those who unknowingly crossed my path. I’m preparing a grant— not that this is even remotely an excuse, but apparently some level of stress is par for the course. I suspect that there are many who believe I’ve raised the anxiety levels up a few notches.

I used to think that you could only truly tell a person by what he or she was like under pressure. I made this observation during my internship– most residents were great when things were under control, but some residents just broke down when the work started piling up. Deep red welts would form across their forehead, books would slam to the ground mysteriously, answers were terse monosyllables, commands would take on this high-pitched barky character… I didn’t think I was one of those…